The Broken Bottle
by tvshowtrash
Summary: Amanda has a hard day at work and finds comfort in a bottle of wine. What happens when her partner finds her? Fin/Amanda friendship. May be trigger warning for sexual assault
1. Chapter 1

_hello everyone, this is my first fanfiction so please don't be too harsh :) Also, if you have any constructive reviews, feel free to express it._

 **Amanda's POV**

This case was hard. I need to admit it, it mentally felt like a truck ran over me. The case was about a 20 years old girl who was raped by her boss. When Olivia and I went to get her statement, she was already sobbing and saying, and I quote, " _I put myself into that position. I deserved it! Go away!_ ". When she said that I just couldn't stay in the room. It was too much. I told Olivia that I needed to go fill some paper work and ran out of the room. That girl reminded me of myself when everything happened back in Atlanta. I just wanted to avoid falling apart in front of that girl and Olivia.

I like to think I can handle all my crap but that's just a facade. I'm not dealing with anything. I just like to push things away and pretend they never happened but we all know it doesn't work this way. If I had dealt with anything I wouldn't be sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing, with a bottle of wine between my hands right now. I tried to get my shit together but I could not bring myself to seek help. I don't like anyone sneaking into my things, trying to find problems where there are none. I tried to go to Olivia's therapist but I just couldn't. I don't know what happened, I just freaked out. I didn't want to tell a stranger everything about what happened with Patton. It was too difficult. Just bringing myself to admit the events to Barba was a living hell. I could not do it again. I can't stop thinking. I just want the thinking to stop! My only friend right now is my bottle of wine. Still better than gambling I guess.

There's almost no wine left in the bottle. I stopped sobbing a few hours ago. I can't feel nothing now. The only feeling I have is emptiness. You think sadness is bad? Try being in a frozen state, looking at the ceiling, thinking about nothing, feeling nothing. I hear a knock on the door. I ignore it. I don't want to see anyone right now. Anyways, i'm not even sure I can walk to the door.

All of the sudden I feel anger, sadness, guilt, despair, all at once. Just at the right moment urgh… I can't hold it in. I start crying. I'm crying over everything he took from me. All those years I lived in fear because of him. I'm so angry. I'm a mess of emotions because of him. He broke me. I throw the bottle on the wall in pure anger at what I lost.

" _Okay that's it 'manda, I'm comin in!"_

Oh fuck.

 **Fin's POV**

The case seemed to hit Amanda particularly hard. She's my partner, I couldn't just not check on her. I went to her apartment and knocked on the door. She didn't answer. I waited a while but, then, I heard the sound of glass breaking.

" _Okay that's it 'manda, I'm comin in!"_ I'm now shouting

I'm scared for that girl. She's not really the talkative type when it comes to personal things. God knows how she feels and how she deals with her problems. I don't know what happened in her apartment but i'm scared that she might have hurt herself. Fortunately, she trusted me enough to give me a spare key of her apartment a while ago. I use it and get inside. I can hear her crying. I take out my gun just in case and follow the cries. I arrive at the bathroom and the scene I see just breaks my heart. Amanda is hugging her knees in the corner of the room crying. A few feet from her lays a broken bottle of wine. She probably threw it there. She sees me and stop crying. Still, I can see sobs making her shiver. She stares at me right in the eyes and, I swear, at this moment, all I can see in her beautiful bright blue eyes is pain and fear. Not long after, she breaks eye contact and tries to get up quickly. She's not steady and falls down five seconds later. I try to go and help her but she puts a hand in front of her and shout "NO!"


	2. Chapter 2

AN: thanks for the reviews, 13 & guest :) it is appreciated. Here's a new chapter. I didn't really know where I was going and I still don't know. I just wish it goes well and you like the writing.

 **Amanda's POV**

Fin's coming towards me. I don't want anyone touching me right now. And to be honest i'm mad at him. He didn't go away when I did not answer the door. I didn't want to see anyone today! I didn't answer the damn door. Why did he still come! I didn't want him to see me like this. How is he gonna trust me after that? How is he gonna trust that this weak crying girl will be able to have his back if she can't even protect herself? I can't have him around right now.

I shout " _NO_!" with my hand in front of me because I want him to step away. To go away. To run right out of my apartment. He looks at me and say:

\- _It's okay 'manda, i'm not gonna hurt you._

Oohh good! Now he thinks i'm scared of him! Like some broken thing.

\- _I'm not afraid you're gonna hurt me._

I spit out angrily.

\- _What's going on Amanda. Talk to me._

\- _Nothing. Go away Fin!_

\- _That's why you're drunk and crying? Because nothin's going on?_

\- _Go away Fin! Go away!_

I'm now yelling. Tears are streaming down my face. I can't stop myself from crying. Oh gosh how can I be so weak!

\- I'm not leaving you. You're not alone in this Amanda. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You can trust me.

Urgh Fin. I really want to trust you but I can't! I can't talk to you about this. I can't talk to anyone about this.

\- _I can't_

I feel physical pain just by saying this little sentence. I look at Fin in the eyes. He feels it too. The pain. I can see it in his eyes.

\- _It's about Patton isn't it?_

Oh no. I can't. I can't deal with this. I'm not going to talk about Patton with Fin. Nop. No way. This is not going to happen. I'm completely terrified to go into this subject right now. I know it's hurting me. To keep it all inside. It's using all my energy just to pretend i'm fine with it. But I can't tell Fin. He's gonna see me as I see me. And I can't let that happen.

 **Fin's POV**

\- _It's about Patton isn't it?_

I regret saying this right away. She might not be ready to talk about this. I don't want to push her too far. I'm not good at handling these things. I'm not a good talker.

Amanda's obviously not fine. She looks terrified now. She seems to be drowning in her thoughts. I can't leave her like that.

\- _What are you so afraid of Amanda?_

She looks at me surprised. I'm not quite sure i'm gonna get an answer out of her, but I think it might help her if she acknowledge what she's afraid of.

\- _I'm not afraid of anything._

- _I don't know what's going on with you right now, but i'm your partner… I-I'm your friend Amanda, and I hate seeing you in pain like that. I can only promise you that whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm not gonna judge and i'm not gonna see you as anything less._

I'm kinda surprised with the amount of words I just said. I think I didn't screw up here. I talked the truth. She's gonna know that.

She seems to be thinking really hard. I can see her analyzing every single words I said. Considering whether to talk or not. She looks at me and let out a deep breath.

\- _I'm gonna talk. I just need time._

She points to me the opposite wall, right next to the pieces of the bottle. I understand her silent plea and sit down there. She's letting me in. Slowly, but at her pace. I'm not gonna push her further more. I'm here for her and, now, I can see that she knows.


End file.
